tears that won't stop flowing inside~

Another episode in my life that making me feel like hitting by a car so many times..
I always being the subject to be blamed on of any problem that occurs.. 
I love them so much, I would trade my life for them to be happy, but I think all my sacrifice is just not worth it..
I'm so lonely here, no one knows that. All I need is just supports from the people I call family.. I've lost once and I couldn't afford to lost more.. The pain won't fade away..Please don't say such word, I know I'm useless..i Can't fulfill what you want, believe me, someday I'll repay you.. I know what I've done cannot be compared to what you've done, but please understand me... I'm still striving forward because of you..
When people see me, they thought I was always happy and lighten up their day, but I'm dying inside..I've been keeping to many sad thing to myself..I won't let anyone know about it, especially you..I think I'm about to burst anytime soon..Stop giving me me such pressure..You had someone to rely on, but i have no one..believed me, no one..I wish I could lean my back on you..I also wish that I need to worry anything but myself,but it's only still wishes..Wishes that never coming true..
What I can only do now is just keep my tears flow until there's no tears anymore.
I still need to pretend to laugh even I'm in the mist critical feeling right now.. 
I'll hide it so that no one see my tears and I want no body to know it..
I'll make everyone happy, and I won't let you to worry about myself..
I'm a big girl now..
and Big Girl Don't Cry-Fergie..
I mean don't cry in front of others..